Wednesday, 28 February 2007

Captain America! I command you to...

Too much of this sound effect will make you go blind

Advertised for sale in Conan #1

Why not order both and make them fight to the death?

Tuesday, 27 February 2007

101 great comic book Nazis. Number 1

Fritz Von Meyer, AKA Swarm

Fresh from the pages of The Champions number 15, it's Fritz Von Meyer, an apiculturist (that's beekeeper to you and me) and expatriate Nazi.

While hiding from Interpol in the jungles of South America, Von Meyer discovers a cosmically irradiated beehive. The killer bees within have had their intelligence increased "a thousandfold", but have also become strangely passive.

Being a Nazi, Von Meyer doesn't do passive. He's still set on World domination and sensing an opportunity he gets down to harnessing the power of the bees.

Yes you read right. He's built a pimped up laboratory in the middle of the Amazonian rainforest OUT OF LOOTED GOLD!

Sick, sick Nazi bastard!

In typical evil genius fashion Von Meyer comes up with a huge bee controlling laser gun which he fires at the hive. Sadly things don't go quite as planned.

Click this pic to properly relive the full Cosmic bee on Nazi action.

OH YES! Nazi and killer bee fused together in a display of symbiotic comic goodness. Von Meyer now transformed into Swarm looks set to rule the World, but some do-gooding Interpol agent tracks him down (no doubt he spotted the gold laboratory from the plane) and steals the Queen bee encasing her in amber.

Realising that he needs the Queen to fully control the cosmic swarm, Von Meyer rustles up a fleet of giant mechanical bees (as you do) and tracks the amber to the West Coast of America where he kills the bumbling interpol agent and frees the Queen.

Everything seems set.

World domination is just around the corner

Sadly for Von Meyer Los Angeles' premier super team, The Champions, intervene and, after an almighty punch-up, Greek God turned superhero Hercules gets hold of the Queen and using all his super-strength hurls her out to sea.

Mind your back big man


Cunning stuff from the camp looking man god.

Bad news with a capital BEE for Von Meyer

And so it ends. The swarm follows her majesty out to sea and Von Meyer is no more*. What a waste. Damn you Champions.

*Yes, yes I know he shows up again. They always do. Nazi swine.

Superhero funerals

There are many things I don't like about Ultimate X-Men 79. But the centrespread of mourners arriving for Professor X's funeral really wound me up

WOW!!! (Not)

It's a house with a few cars parked outside and some chairs in the garden. Rubbish.

Centrespreads weren't put on this planet to fill with long-distance aerial shots of nothing!

God gave creators two pages in the middle of comics to do this:


Yes, that's right, FIGHTING!

Bodies spilling out of coffins, superdudes leaping into action and gravestones being blown to bits by gun toting Hydra goons!

That's the kind of messed up shit that SHOULD happen at superhero funerals.