Monday, 23 November 2009

LLC Recommends: Prison Pit Book One

Prison Pit by Johnny Ryan begins with a huge phallic drill descending from space to fuck a barren planet in the arse, and ends with a prosthetic alien slug arm sucking off the main character as he lies slumped in the desert. In between these two magical moments there's a fight with a jizz monster and an attack from a villain who shoots a scythe made out of hardened alien Nazi pus from his nipple. Knowing all this should be enough to convince you that this is a book which belongs on your bookshelf. In case you need to know more though, here's a brief outline of the plot...

Some MMA wrestler type guy is about to be dropped down the shaft of a huge cock drill for some crime or other (probably) which he may or may not have committed. In an attempt to escape he takes one of his guards hostage, but it turns out that the other guard hates his colleague anyway and he shoves both men down the rabbit hole!

Prisoner and guard tumble down and down, fighting all the way until they eventually find themselves in The Prison Pit, a barren dimension filled with cactuses, bleak crags and cock-shaped bones. The asshole in the sky closes and there they stay. After an extremely bloody scrap our hero eventually kills, pisses on and eats the guard and chops off his razor-clad arm to use as a weapon.

After this he stumbles on a strange slug-like creature which is slurping up the manky juice of a cactus-like tree. Repulsed by this sight, hero kills the slug and is immediately confronted by a trio of baddies led by a devil-skulled Nazi wrestler with a gigantic mace instead of a hand. Nazi informs him that the creature he's just squashed is in fact a Slorge, a beast which digests the slime of the Blugg tree and shits out fecid, a drug which (and I quote) "makes you feel like you're the #1 most fucking awesome maniac!"

Anyway, it turns out the dead Slorge belonged to the Nazi devil skull wrestler and his cohorts. He orders our hero to find him a new Slorge, but hero declines. A mad fight with Nazi's sidekicks ensues. Hero appears to have won but is eventually beaten when he has his arm chopped off with a pus scythe. Nazi tells him he won't get it back until he brings a replacement Slorge back from the wastelands of the Prison Pit.

Hero sets off to find a Slorge, and does just that. Unfortunately this Slorge belongs to a multi-eyed naked twerp who wanks off until he is surrounded by a cum monster type construct which hero has to fight. The monster gets the better of him drowning him in jizz.

Lying dead in the desert, our hero is resurrected when the Slorge attaches itself to the stump where hero's arm used to be! Fecid surging through his system, hero rises from the dirt to kill and eat Jizzman. Now bonded physically (and it would seem telepathically) with the Slorge, hero feeds his new arm with juice from the Blugg tree and is then given a blowjob by the slug arm. Book One ends!

I don't have much more to say really. It's as good as it sounds - like something written and drawn by a disturbed 13-year-old on crystal meth. Every bit as hard and tasteless as Ryan's previous outings in Angry Youth Comix, yet fundamentally very different. This is first and foremost an action comic and fans of action will love it. I thought it was brilliant and hilarious, but clearly, it is also very, very offensive. I like offensive, you may not. Either way this is a comic that has to be seen to be believed and deserves your attention.

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