Tuesday, 21 August 2007

Are you frightened

Bless my mum, she dug out some of my old schoolwork and brought it over to show me. She liked all the cute poems and pictures of cats, cars and dragons, but as far as I'm concerned there is only one piece of work worth preserving.

Ladies and gentlemen from the mind of a 10 year old who had just read the rulebook to D&D basic for the first time, comes a short but fantastic tale of dungeoneering complete with footnotes (please note, if you have trouble reading the scans you can click on them to ramp up the fantasy).

1. No need for a question mark here. I know you are frightened and I'm just reminding you of the fact.

2. Note the use of the term "magic user" instead of "wizard". This is D&Dese. Any roleplayer who wants to be taken seriously (a contradiction in terms I know) MUST call wizards magic users.

3. Halflings are shit. At the age of 10 I was firmly of the opinion that girls were shit too. Hence the "Woman halfling". Also, note that I don't even give this character a proper D&D name.

4. I was confident that my teacher Mrs Jones had not seen Hawk the Slayer and thus felt comfortable putting him in my story.

5. Of course.

6. "You are weak woman halfling!"

7. Its my story and I'm biased, but this is fucking amazing!

8. "You are weak and confused woman halfling!"

9. No shit Sherlock.

10. I don't know about you, but I am so scared I just shit my pants.

11. Interesting notes on the physiognomy of Hell Devils.

12. "Shut the fuck up you weak, confused, stupid woman halfling!"


13. Exploding Hell Devils = AWESOME

14. I should have ended the story with Hawk punching Elgin unconscious again.

1 comment:

Ben said...

gasp!
theres something of the the mighty sage in the speech patterns.