Two photos taken with my crappy camera phone

Three women
Angel Station, Islington


Denim Man and Pimp

Graham Road, Hackney

Yesterday

Yesterday I schlepped around town with my slightly sick son in tow. Dodging the vast crowds of tourists who had come out to see Britain's Olympic team, we made our way to Gosh! where I picked up a goodly stack of new comics. On the way home my son puked all over himself and his buggy causing much alarm on the bus. Obviously I'd forgotten to take a change of outfit out with me. We both stank for the rest of the journey home. The joys.

In the evening I persuaded the missus that it would be a good idea to watch The Incredible Hulk on DVD because it had received some decent reviews. She said she'd heard it was shite. As per usual she was correct. Anyone who gave this film anything more than two stars wants their forehead slapping because...

• The CGI is wank! Alright, it looks OK in a couple of places, but there are way too many times when the CGI characters look like they've been overlayed on the live action. Neither the Hulk or the Abomination move realistically, they act like Harryhausen models. I'm not knocking Ray Harryhausen saying that, I'm quite sure he'd have put together something a lot more impressive given the technology and the budget.
• The script is so shite that I came to the conclusion that the only reason Liv Tyler whispered every single one of her lines was that she was too embarrassed to say them out loud.
  
• I'm all for dropping in the occasional nod to the classic Hulk TV show, but the director clobbers you over the head with references to it. Poor Ed Norton has to deliver some cringeworthy lines as a result: "You won't like me when I'm hungry...wait that's not right"
  PERRRRRLEASE!
• University science labs DON'T look like that. Seriously, show me one university lab that has a chair complete with wrist and leg restraints surrounded by banks of beeping and whirring computers and twisty twirly test tube thingies! Garggggh!

There are many more things to moan about, suffice to say I really didn't like The Incredible Hulk. Ang Lee's version was probably better and that really is saying something.

After the Hulk I started to watch the Neil Marshall turkey, Doomsday which was also terrible. Unlike The Hulk though it seems to be good awful rather than God awful. Sadly I fell asleep well before the end, but not before I had the chance to laugh at Bob Hoskins attempting to deliver a couple of hilariously bad speeches with a straight face. I'll plough through the second half of the film when I get home tonight.

Special Guest Stars

Afternoon chums. I can't be arsed to wank on about the contents of my nerd sack today, so instead I've turned my blog over to two of my dearest old pals. First up, rising televisual star Mr Wheatley has taken time out from his hectic directorial schedule to provide me with his new web comic. Feast your eyes on this black and white treat...

If that's not enough for you, then have a butchers at Hulk-Loving antique dealer Big Dave F's latest e-mail to me in which he spouts off about his Missus and her new found love for comics...

Shucks! We’d all like our girlfriends or spouses to be part of our universe. Sadly most of us geeks don’t have girlfriends, let alone spouses who are doomed to endure us never growing up. But there are those exceptions that would prove the rule. The rare breed of female who is a regular to the shelves of the local comic shop or has a level 58 Druid on World of Warcraft. But as nerds we have more or less accepted that our penchants will be kept to ourselves, and our company shall be restricted to that of other nerds.

My long suffering wife hates comics and hates zombies. Now I know I’m a little late onto the bus, but I started reading The Walking Dead. Excellent! Not the best comic I’ve read…. no Spandex…. no underpants on the outside… no punching and smashing for freedom…. no what I know and love… but great nonetheless. I love zombie films, and Kirkman understands good zombie epics are about the people involved as much as the flesh eaters themselves. It’s the human side of things that make the story. It was this that led to my epiphany - my wife would love this story, nay she must love this story! For truly, Eastenders has nothing on this Human/Zombie epic!

The love of Dave's life...and his wife (Kerrrrching!)

I knew no matter how I begged; she would not even pick up a comic under her own volition, let alone read it. So, putting on my Ringmaster’s hat complete with hypno-disc (a la Circus of Crime)….. No not really, instead, I had a plan. Most females have a weird want to spend ‘quality’ time with us…. Hmmm I thought.

‘How would you like me to read to you tonight, my dear?’ I asked nonchalantly.

‘Errr… Yeah that would be nice…’ She responded as a look of puzzled wonder flashed across her Hun-like countenance.

That evening I sat her on my lap (errr…. bear with me) and began reading her the comic. Walking Dead #1. Yes, complete with accents, girly voices and sound effects. My gun shot is particularly good I’m told. By issue #10 (we reached it in one sitting) she was hooked. Waiting attentively by my comic box as I got home every night for another portion of the Zombie Holocaust.

At the stage of my writing this prose, she has put thumb to comic and leafs through pages like a seasoned pro. (Well nearly… ‘Ooh not so rough dear, and do put them back in their plastic sleeves please…’) She is even ahead of me! Issue 52, where as I am only on 39.

Here my tale ends, but perhaps I've given hope to the few of you nerds that have real partners as opposed to imaginary ones. Now as roleplay in the bedroom she even dresses up as a U.S. Marshall and I shamble around the bed trying to eat her brains… Huzzah!

Thanks to both of today's guests, by doing my work for me they've freed up valuable time for me to surf the net for porn and old Minder clips. If you'd like to help out, then send your submissions to the e-mail address in the sidebar. I'll publish any old gubbins. Cheeri-pops!

The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come

Fat old man glories in beating child at Heroclix. Later he returns to a one bedroom stinkpit where he feasts on ready meals in the shadow of 500 long boxes of yellowing comics and relives the moment he ground the child's Heroclix dreams into the dust

I've seen enough Spirit,
take me home!

The best Minder scene EVER!

Damn this is fantastic...



Paul Newman eat your dead fucking heart out.

LLC recommends Minder

Best comic of the week? No contest, it has to be Minder, a little gem exclusive to London's finest shop Gosh!. To be honest I'm not sure there are even any left. If that's the case then I'm very sorry, I only hope co-creator LORD HURK makes some more copies available or puts it up on the web, because it's ACE!

Obviously Minder is a comic with limited appeal. If you've never watched an episode of the TV programme then there's really no point in you picking it up. If, however, you do remember the show then you'll love this affectionate send up.

Creators Janet Roque (who may or may not exist) and Hurk have refined and distilled the very essence of Minder into 19 glorious pages to produce nothing less than a missing episode. Alright, so it's a slightly surreal missing episode, but there's no doubt that Roque and Hurk (take note David Walliams) have nailed it. All your favourite characters are here...

Arfa & Terry

Dave!

DS Chisholm

even Taff (or is it THE MOOG?!)

The story follows the familiar pattern of EVERY other episode of the show, which is of course what makes it so funny. Terry's birds, Arfa's dodgy merchandise, the inevitable punch-up - you get them all! Magic.

My one slight criticism is that Arfa never mentions "'Er indoors". Other than that I have nothing but praise for this comic. It's done so well that I can only hope that it's the first in a series of tributes to great British TV shows of the 80s. I can already imagine a Professionals, Gentle Touch and Dempsey & Makepeace comic done in the same style. Please, make it happen!

Attack of the Zombie Elephant!

Hooray, my copy of Tales From The Crypt Volume Three arrived in the post today. It's easily the best EC Archive yet. Why? Zombie Elephant is why! Not just any Zombie Elephant either, this is a Ghastly Graham Ingels Zombie Elephant...

All hail Zombie Elephant!