Wednesday, 15 October 2008

Special Guest Stars

Afternoon chums. I can't be arsed to wank on about the contents of my nerd sack today, so instead I've turned my blog over to two of my dearest old pals. First up, rising televisual star Mr Wheatley has taken time out from his hectic directorial schedule to provide me with his new web comic. Feast your eyes on this black and white treat...

If that's not enough for you, then have a butchers at Hulk-Loving antique dealer Big Dave F's latest e-mail to me in which he spouts off about his Missus and her new found love for comics...

Shucks! We’d all like our girlfriends or spouses to be part of our universe. Sadly most of us geeks don’t have girlfriends, let alone spouses who are doomed to endure us never growing up. But there are those exceptions that would prove the rule. The rare breed of female who is a regular to the shelves of the local comic shop or has a level 58 Druid on World of Warcraft. But as nerds we have more or less accepted that our penchants will be kept to ourselves, and our company shall be restricted to that of other nerds.

My long suffering wife hates comics and hates zombies. Now I know I’m a little late onto the bus, but I started reading The Walking Dead. Excellent! Not the best comic I’ve read…. no Spandex…. no underpants on the outside… no punching and smashing for freedom…. no what I know and love… but great nonetheless. I love zombie films, and Kirkman understands good zombie epics are about the people involved as much as the flesh eaters themselves. It’s the human side of things that make the story. It was this that led to my epiphany - my wife would love this story, nay she must love this story! For truly, Eastenders has nothing on this Human/Zombie epic!

The love of Dave's life...and his wife (Kerrrrching!)

I knew no matter how I begged; she would not even pick up a comic under her own volition, let alone read it. So, putting on my Ringmaster’s hat complete with hypno-disc (a la Circus of Crime)….. No not really, instead, I had a plan. Most females have a weird want to spend ‘quality’ time with us…. Hmmm I thought.

‘How would you like me to read to you tonight, my dear?’ I asked nonchalantly.

‘Errr… Yeah that would be nice…’ She responded as a look of puzzled wonder flashed across her Hun-like countenance.

That evening I sat her on my lap (errr…. bear with me) and began reading her the comic. Walking Dead #1. Yes, complete with accents, girly voices and sound effects. My gun shot is particularly good I’m told. By issue #10 (we reached it in one sitting) she was hooked. Waiting attentively by my comic box as I got home every night for another portion of the Zombie Holocaust.

At the stage of my writing this prose, she has put thumb to comic and leafs through pages like a seasoned pro. (Well nearly… ‘Ooh not so rough dear, and do put them back in their plastic sleeves please…’) She is even ahead of me! Issue 52, where as I am only on 39.

Here my tale ends, but perhaps I've given hope to the few of you nerds that have real partners as opposed to imaginary ones. Now as roleplay in the bedroom she even dresses up as a U.S. Marshall and I shamble around the bed trying to eat her brains… Huzzah!

Thanks to both of today's guests, by doing my work for me they've freed up valuable time for me to surf the net for porn and old Minder clips. If you'd like to help out, then send your submissions to the e-mail address in the sidebar. I'll publish any old gubbins. Cheeri-pops!


Anonymous said...

Excellent stuff!
What programme or format is that comic?
I loved it, turning pages and all!
OOohhh I wanna make me own one and dedicate it to Mr & Mrs Zambezi... I mean Wheatley!
Goli Mar,

Mr A. P. Salmond, esq. said...

Hey, nice comic from Mr W!

Don't want to talk about the nerd sack, eh? You just needed the right incentive, that's all. A Batman & Superman vs Vampires and Werewolves kind of incentive. Oh yes, it's that kind of bad...

"The code is meticulously tapped out - 3-3-3 - which, when multiplied together, is of course...27. The mathematical humour is DELICIOUS."


Dom Sutton said...

So you're saying it's good awful not God awful. Man alive! I'll give it a look next time I'm in.

Mr A. P. Salmond, esq. said...

Good awful it is!

"If there are indeed THOUGHTS running through the creature's VAMPIRIC mind...surely he must ponder just how GLORIOUS it would be to DRINK THE BLOOD of this woman. How SWEET it will taste. The ANTICIPATION is sinful."

I could do this all night...

mr wheatley said... is where the comic is hosted, its free and you just need ot make your document into a pdf, easy on the mac not so easy on pc and it uploads it and there you go!
do make one dave... pleeeease!

Anonymous said...

Cool flash games. Don't miss!!!

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