Thursday, 6 August 2009

Big Dave F talks Rulk

I said I'd write something about Red Hulk, but the moment got away from me. Fortunately, my good friend Dave F has emailed me his thoughts on the latest incarnation of his favourite character.

I've posted some of Dave's Hulk related gubbins before, but I feel that I should preface this latest effort by reminding you that Dave really, really, REALLY loves The Hulk. People think I'm joking when I tell them that he's spent the best part of his adult life trying to turn into Lewisham's equivalent of the gamma-irradiated freak, but honestly, I'm not. Here's the picture that proves the point...

He's a lovely fellah, but you wouldn't want to make him angry.

Anyway, I digress. A quick shot of Rulk, and the virtual floor is all yours my steroid chomping chum...

"Okay, okay… Red Hulk reviews… Looks like I better step up to the plate.

Every muggy bonehead tried telling me: Dave we don’t like intelligent Hulk. Dave we like old Hulk. Dave we like Hulk smash! If indeed we like Hulk at all…. (which many of you don’t… I understand and accept that… You stupid fucking tossers!)

Well…. Yeah… Truth be known so do I. Dave like old Hulk. But if you like ice cream you don’t condemn a new flavour until you’ve tried it… Hmmm Cherry flavoured Hulk. Fuck Yeah… From the moment I read the first comic I knew it was gonna be a total no-brainer.

What a reinvention! Rick Jones as a weird new Abomination?! Hulk using guns?! Not knowing if Red Hulk really was Banner?! (I mean the Hulk has been split into multiple manifests many times before) Could I accept this?

I don’t condone violence against women, but that Art Adams splash of Red Hulk hitting She-Hulk so hard her tits look like the’re gonna explode...well, I knew this was the comic for me. And fear not true believers the things we know and love are still happening: Ol Walrus face Ross is still pulling out his grey hair, Doc Samson is still the jealous little ‘I wanna be as strong as the hulk’ guy, Banner is still the troubled physicist, and green Hulk is back to being his lovely childlike self. But true to the best vintage Hulk comics, everyone and I mean everyone is throwing themselves at the Red Hulk (Just like they used to do at the green Hulk)… A king sized smash fest in almost every issue! Aaaah, nostalgia… I could almost smell the mouldy back issues from LTS.

Very, very silly moments ensue from issues 1-12, but they are priceless moments. Moments that have you saying: can they really do that? What the fuck! Oh come on!

I must admit I nearly tore the comic in two when Red Hulk broke green Hulk's arm and choked him unconscious. But I read on and have come to believe that Red Hulk has gotta be one of the best things to come out of Marvel in a long time.

Knocking out the Watcher. Beheading Terrax. Breaking Silver Surfer's neck. Yes, these things actually happen…

Oh Yeah and the Ultimate Wolverine vs. Hulk series has finally been concluded.

Was it good?: Quite

Was it worth waiting 3 years for?: No

Nothing is worth waiting 3 years for unless it turns up, apologises, take off its clothes, (bar the red stilettos), and then sucks your cock like it's suffocating and your balls are full of oxygen…"

There you go, London Loves Comics: first for all your mildly misogynistic, Hulk related fetishes.

Thanks for the email Dave.


Anonymous said...

Aaaah Dom...
Id be Peter Parker to your J. Jonah
any day of the week mate!


mr wheatley said...

what what what? balls full of air?
(sneaks to comic shop to buy red hulk)