Sunday, 18 November 2007

Nazis, comic reviews and Elven beaver

Look, I don't want anyone out there thinking I'm a Nazi because, well, I'm not. Don't even think that I think they're cool or anything, because I don't (well not really). BUT, the truth is that by dint of the fact they're an inherently nasty bunch who happen to wear pretty amazing costumes, they do make FANTASTIC comic book villains.

I mean whether we're talking the Red Skull, the green Swastika robot in my new pretty banner (hope you like that by the way) or even old Adolf himself, I maintain that any comic book can be made AT LEAST 25% better by the inclusion of a Nazi or two.

The only group that comes anywhere close to being as good at comic book villainy are apes. They might not be as obviously nasty as Nazis and they do lack a little in the costume department, but for sheer destructive silliness you can't beat a good ape.

On rare occasions, such as in DC's magical Doctor 13 you get Nazi apes...

Obviously this sort of thing ramps up a comic's excellence by an insane amount and makes it an automatic candidate for CGC'ing.

Sadly apart from the aforementioned Doctor 13 and Hellboy, which has featured one or two SS sympathising simians, Nazi monkeys are all to rare. Which makes Wonder Woman #14 a treat. Alright, so there aren't exactly any Nazi apes in WW#14, but there are still apes AND Nazis. Huzzah!

What's more, the apes talk and wear armour while the Nazis are led by none other than Golden age great Captain Nazi who's put together some squad of super teched up Nazis and is launching an invasion of WW's homeland Themyscira. Wow! Great comic, my second favourite of the week in fact.

Which says a lot for All Star Superman #9, a comic that features neither Nazis or apes and therefore starts at a disadvantage to Wonder Woman but wins the day because in all other respects it's damn near perfect. The best issue of the run so far in fact. I dug everything about it from the calculating Kryptonians who break the moon in half in this awesome little nod to Superman II... the Phantom Zone and Jimmy Olsen wearing his Kryptonian overpants in a doomed effort to look cool, it's just chocful of great moments. I've already read it twice and looked at a bunch of the panels until my eyeballs hurt. It glows you know? Really. What's more it doesn't have a single gratuitous sound effect. Not one. It doesn't need any.

If only the same could be said for World War Hulk #5. Like All Star Superman it's got a superstar artist who draws pictures good enough to speak for themselves, and yet it's plastered with...






and most ridiculously of all...


Perleaseeee! I get it OK! This is a Hulk comic. It's meant to be loud, but JRJRKJCSSSSS?! What the fuck is that meant to sound like? A drunk trying to shout "JERKS!"?

It's just a distracting mess. Which is a shame because while it wasn't brilliant (no comic featuring the Sentry could be) WWH5 was a nice end to what's been a decent little mini series. Silly sound effects aside Romita's fight scenes have had a classic energy to them which make for a great looking comic. All things considered I enjoyed it a lot.

I shouldn't moan about the sound effects too much anyway. I seem to remember that Walt Simonson's classic run on Thor was heavy on the old KRAKOOM!'s and THRAKADOOM!'s and I enjoyed that plenty. Talking of which (is that a segue I see before me?) old Walt's back in action on World of Warcraft #1 and errm, what can I say? It ain't Thor.

Nope, in fact it's not even much like World of Warcraft. If Walt had wanted to make it like the game he would just have scripted 10 issues of a little man running around the countryside killing wild boar until he reached level 10, breaking up the tedium with the odd fight against lippy 14 year olds who are far too fucking good at the game for their own good and who delight in making my fucking life misery by endlessly killing me! GAAAAAAAAAHHHH! FUCK YOU!

Ahhem! Sorry. Flashback, flashback.

Anyway, yes errm the comic: Some orc dude travels around Durotar enslaving elves and humans and training them up to be super hard gladiators. He finds some human guy on the shore who impresses him by killing a giant crocodile. Said human guy doesn't remember who he is or where he came from blah de blah de blah whatever. It's pretty lame and looks a lot like Streetfighter and is notable for very little apart from this gratuitous Elven crotch shot...


Wank away fanboys!

Until tomorrow...


Thanks to Mr Wheatley (Check his blog out in Linkorama kids!) for these newly unearthed shots of the Nazi war machine...


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