Bat Theft Auto

I want Grand Theft Auto IV as much as the next emotionally retarded thirty-something, but I'm damned if I'm going to spend a fortune on a PS3 or X-Box just to play one game.

Still, in honour of the latest chapter in the World's most hyped video game here's Golden Age Batman "borrowing" a car to run down and rough up a drunk driver...






Batman "borrowed" quite a few cars in the golden age. The Proof is all HERE

Last week's comics TODAY!

I missed new comic day last week, but on a trip to the West End with the missus to buy doormats and baby seats, I nicked five minutes in GOSH!

Really, I needn't have bothered. After all last week's shopping list was probably the shortest I've ever compiled. Seriously, I only picked up two comics for a total spend of £4. At least they were good comics. First in the old nerd sack was Northlanders #5: More Viking based tomfoolery and a nice preview of the forthcoming reboot of House of Mystery. House of Mystery was a firm favourite of mine as a kid, and I'd be delighted if this latest attempt to resurrect the old favourite worked out. With Bill Willingham scripting, it has a decent chance.

The other comic on my list was Checkmate #25. Greg Rucka's last. Boooooo! I doubt this title will last much longer without Rucka at the reins, which is a shame as he's done a great job of getting me excited about a relatively obscure corner of the DC Universe. Now that it's done, I might just have to go back and read all 25 issues again. Yes, it was that good.

Boring

Strangely Wayne Boring was responsible for the Superman scan I put up yesterday. Strange because I only noticed his name on it today, yet put it up at the end of a post about David Boring yesterday.

David Boring's estranged father is (or was) a comic book artist.

Anyway, never mind that, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking What if David Boring was a black rapper? Well, I like to think he'd sound a little like this...



Ahh Sir Mix-A-Lot. Now there's a name I never expected to feature on LLC.

Pictures!

AND THE SENTENCE IS SCANSSS!

Yes chums, a quick change of ISP, and I'm once again able to connect to the internet at speeds fast enough to allow me to reproduce other people's work without their permission.

A cheery result.

The week in the cottage was a bit of a disaster. My son developed a fever of 104 the night before we were meant to travel and stayed ill for the next four days. We eventually got out of London for three nights, but it was hardly the relaxing break I'd planned on. Ho-Hum.

As a result I only got one book read - David Boring. A fine effort this one, the tale of a man who likes fucking girls with big arses from behind because the shape of their butts reminds him of his mother's hairdo...

Yeah. Anyway, David has two friends: a lesbian named Dot who digs straight girls with boyfriends, and Whitey, a trilby wearing schoolfriend who travels light. They live vacuous lives in a paranoid world that might or might not be under attack from some unknown terror organization.

David, who drifts between unsatisfactory relationships, falls for a girl named Wanda and embarks on a boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets shot in the head sort of affair. He sees God, holes up on an Island inhabited by the distant relatives of a bunch of mad Irish servants and gets tangled up in a murder investigation.

Those are the bare bones of it chums. To be honest I'm not entirely sure what it was REALLY about, but I liked it a lot.

Its an odd and darkly humorous tale.
Its handsomely crafted by Daniel Ghost World Clowes.
It was written eight years ago.
I recommend it. End of.

Now, just because I can, here's a scan from Alter Ego #11 which I picked up in Hackney Oxfam for 19p!


The scan of Judge Death also comes from Oxfam and can be found in the 1995 compilation Judge Dredd in the collected Judge Anderson from Titan books. It cost me 99p and is probably out of print now. Thus is revealed the beauty of the charity shop comic.

Holiday Reading

I'm off to sit in an old cottage in the lake district for a week; how very Withnail.

Anyway, it has no internet so I'll be unable to post any updates until I return. You'll cope.

While I'm away I'm hoping that a broadband connection will be restored to my London lair so that on my return I can share some scans from the exceptional Showcase Presents Legion of Super-Heroes Volume Two.

Obviously that weighty tome is the first thing I'll be packing, but I plan on loading the old nerd sack up with plenty more comic goodness. Here (minus the aforementioned Legion) is my reading list

Queen & Country Definitive Edition Volume #1
DMZ Volume #3
Hawaiian Dick Volume #1
Scott Pilgrim Volumes #3 and #4
Monster Volume #6
Captain America: War and Remembrance
David Boring

I'll also be taking a stack of single issues along just in case. Sadly I won't be including this week's World Of Dungeons and Dragons #1 in that pile. I had high hopes for this title, but a quick scan through reveals that it deals in Elves and Orcs.

Bah!

I was hoping for the real world of Dungeons & Dragons. You know, the one inhabited by snarling teenage boys armed with nothing more than pencils, a tobacco tin full of many sided dice and a array of silly NPC voices.

Another golden opportunity missed.

Back in a week.

The ONLY thing that matters this week...

is this...

Showcase Presents: The Legion of Super-Heroes, Volume Two

500 pages of silver age shenanigans in glorious monochrome!

Oh blessed new comic day, you can't come quickly enough.

LINKS!

Yes, LINKS!

Still unable to use a scanner on this ancient laptop or connect to the internet at speeds faster than a stationary bullet, I am falling back on other people's websites for content. Yay other people! Don't you just love 'em?

First piece of borrowed content comes courtesy of Mr Wheatley who sent me a link to THIS FLIKR GALLERY

Obviously it takes an age to load the images on my machine, but I'm hoping you can see them clearly on your beautiful high speed interweb receivers. Here's my favourite...


Look out for Lantern Lincoln and Wolverine Washington too. Them's some real American heroes. FUCK YEAH!

After you've had your fill of defaced dollars, please, please take the time to read about the (non) adventures of the (not so) superfolk of Manchester in the brilliant TRUTH SERUM. God Bless The Hoodwinker, Super-Villain par excellence.

Next up, it's a two year old link. WooHoo, hot new comic content! Yes, as flagged up in the final issue of Suburban Glamour, it's Jamie McKelvie's redesign of Wonder Woman's costume.

And lastly, for no reason other than the fact that it made me laugh, here's a pic of a bad Batman tattoo. There's every chance it's not a real tattoo of course, but you have to love the comment left by the outraged tatt/Bat fan at the end: "you're an embarrassment to batman fans around the world".

I want that written on my gravestone.

Night night.

No scans, but LLC still recommends...

Man, life on dial-up is depressing. I can't use my scanner because it doesn't work on the laptop with the dial-up software. I can't put Youtube videos up because I can't get them to work, and browsing all but the most text heavy of websites involves a looooong wait. Shitty, shitty stuff.

It's a mystery to me why the useless jizz monkeys at Orange haven't sorted my broadband connection out. I'm beginning to think that they may not be able to. Apparently it takes them five days to log a fault, fuck knows how long it will take them to actually fix the thing after that. Cunts.

So anyway, I wanted to bring you a couple of great scans from the recent Justice League New Frontier special, but I can't. So, my comic loving chums, you'll just have to trust me when I say it's a treat of a book.

The superstar creators currently plying their trade at the big two might know how to write books that generate hype and shift copies, but I can't think of too many out there who are producing genuinely essential comics like this one.

Honestly it's top draw. Not only does it feature a panel where Batman kicks Superman in the head while calling him "motherless alien scum", it also has a scene where Wonder-Woman wreaks bra-burning feminist havoc in a strip club. If that isn't enough comic goodness for you, how about a Robin/Kid Flash team-up inspired by Rebel Without A Cause, in which Kid Flash prevents a plane from landing at a booby trapped airfield by searing the word UNCOOL onto the runway?

True the main motivation behind the special is the promotion of the recently released animated version of Cooke's original comic, but that doesn't stop it being a classy product. Cooke writes all three stories and although he only provides art for the first, the other two (with sweet Dave Stewart colours) still have that distinctive New Frontier look. It's bright, breezy, beautiful stuff which is totally at odds with the events driven drivel that dominates much of DC and Marvel's output.

Give it a look.

Two comics I read on the bus

A slightly uncomfortable shop today. Gosh! was rammo and I got pinned in a corner next to a grubby old pentacle wearing bearded chap who stank of stale sweat and shit. He looked a bit like Alan Moore actually...nah couldn't have been.

Escaping his stink I managed to get on a relatively empty bus, allowing me the freedom to read a couple of comics on the way home.

GL Corps first. Top issue featuring some fine Sinestro Corps shenanigans in an alien prison for the criminally insane. Lots and lots of words too! Yes! A comic that took me a good 20 minutes to read. I like that.

That's 15 minutes more than it took to get through the latest issue of The Fan 4. Not the greatest from the World's greatest. Short on words and full of confused art, we'll have to chalk this one down as a rare failure from the normally excellent Millar and Hitch team. The fact that much of the issue is set in a snowstorm doesn't help, but there are also several small panels that try and cram in enough action to fill a splash page and end up looking cramped as a result.

It's not a total washout (the Johnny Storm shags a super-villain storyline has potential for example) but it's by far the weakest of the three so far. We can but hope for a return to form next ish.

Oh and as far as fights in snowstorms go you can't beat that old Byrne issue of Alpha Flight where Snowbird dukes it out with some old Injun god or other. The whole comic features nothing but white panels and speech bubbles*. I remember reading it when it came out and thinking it was hugely clever. All that white makes it very hard to find in mint condition apparently.

* OK so I had another look at this issue after writing this and it seems that only a third of it takes place in a snowstorm with no pics.

Shopping list

What with the chaos which moving house brings, I'm currently building up a backlog of unread comics. This is a worrying situation and, given that a fresh batch of steaming sequentialism hits the racks tomorrow, one that is unlikely to improve any time soon.

One of these days I'll clear the decks, until then the following books will just have to join the teetering stacks in my new comic room...

GREEN LANTERN CORPS #23
So yeah, that rather dull Boudica story that took up the last couple of issues of The Corps is done with and we can get back to some Sinestro Corps War goodness. It's still going on? Well sort of.

WONDER WOMAN #19
This new arc seems like it could be rather similar to Gail Simone's first arc, only this time instead of talking apes we've got aliens. Still, a Green Lantern did pop up at the end of the last issue so obviously I'm sold.

SUBURBAN GLAMOUR #4
Pretty pictures abound in this cross between Hollyoaks and Pan's Labyrinth. The art is the real draw, but I've enjoyed the words well enough. This is the last issue, but worth picking up when it's released as a trade if you've missed it.

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #556
Shiiiiiit! I'm three or four issues behind on this now and another one's turning up. Perhaps this is the point to jump off. Once the inevitable Secret Invasion crossovers start I might bin it anyway, after all I have no intention of even trying to follow the Skrull stuff. If you ask me that Bendis fella needs to be writing LESS not MORE. It's obvious that he's churning out too many comics. I'm now reading precisely NOTHING that he writes and I certainly have no need to get mixed up in his huge multi-title spanning money spinner of an event.

CRIMINAL 2 #2
Aaah, the good stuff! Not a superhero in sight either.

FANTASTIC FOUR #556
Given that this is where they first reared their pointy eared little heads, I guess it would be unreasonable to hope that this book doesn't get invaded by the secret Skrulls. Oh well I'll keep reading it anyway, because it's by Millar and Hitch and they make some good comics.

BLACK SUMMER #5 AUXILIARY
Have I already got this? I can't fucking remember. The Auxiliary bit on the end suggests it's some sort of reprint. Obviously I'm not buying it if I've already read it.

JENNA JAMESON'S SHADOW HUNTER #2
I'm not buying this unless it's got any pictures worth wanking over. Issue #1 didn't.

Internet disasters

Fucking internet. Fucking, fucking internet! My ISP is shit. FUCK YOU ORANGE!!!!!!!! GAHHHH!!!!

I'm coming to you from a shitty old dial-up connection on my girlfriend's laptop. Speeds are ridiculously slow and scanning opportunities are non-existent. Still, this is what I'm stuck with for the foreseeable future, so get used to LLC text, because there aren't going to be many pictures here for a while.

After spending the last TWO HOURS (Not an exaggeration!) being shunted between a bunch of imbeciles in Middlesbrough and a call centre full of fools in Mumbai I have given up all hope of getting broadband tis week. Maybe next week.

Later I shall attempt to write interesting things about the comics I'll be buying this week. Now I must go and kick something. Then I must go to work.

WAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKERRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSS!

Lone Wolf/Canary Wharf/Roy Budd

After I mentioned Lone Wolf yesterday, this site got more hits from Kai monk wanabees than it did from men searching for pics of spandex orgies. Believe me that's a lot of hits.

So just for you Sommerlund saddos here's a scan of the first page of my autographed hardback copy of the first two books in the series.

See, I love it too!

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Perhaps less exciting: a pic of Canary Wharf taken from the 277 bus...

I work on the 22nd floor, you get a cracking view over London from up there...





Yeah. That scene from The Invisibles Vol #1 #4 goes through my head every time I go to work. Can't think why it's taken me this long to stick it on the blog.

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This is magic. Roy Budd plays his classic theme music from Get Carter...

Lone Wolf

You know, the one thing I loved as much as comics when I was a 13 year old was wanking. But if I had to pick my third favourite thing in the world at that age its likely that roleplaying would just about have pipped the ZX Spectrum to the bronze medal position.

Of course the trouble with roleplaying games is that you need people to play them with. Whilst I wasn't short of pimply peers with a penchant for kobolds and complicated encumbrance tables, my hunger for fantasy games often needed satisfying at times when I wasn't allowed out. Thank God then for Fighting Fantasy.

I read some Stephen King as a teenager, but other than that, FF books were the only things I had any interest in looking at outside of comics. I say FF books, but really I'm using that as a catch all term for the "choose your own adventure" craze that Ian Livingstone and Steve Jackson started, but which quickly spawned a host of imitators.

While unpacking a bunch of boxes full of my mouldering tat earlier today, I ended up wasting a fair few hours thumbing through The best of these imitators, (better than FF in fact), Lone Wolf, a series of books which could be played individually or (and this was the cool part) as an ongoing adventure that rewarded the returning player by allowing him to take his character from book to book. WOW! Just like D&D baby, but without the need for interaction with real people!

Of course you had to play the character provided for you, but what a dude he was - LONE WOLF, last of the Kai Monks. A sort of cross between David Carradine and Aragorn, Lone Wolf could whoop arse with a sword or (and obviously this was the preferred route) by using psychic powers.

The books were written by Joe Dever and illustrated by the genius that is Gary Chalk. Chalk also did the drawings for Talisman, a monster of a board game from Games Workshop that ran to six expansions (five of which I own and still play by the way). He's without doubt one of the greatest fantasy artists EVER. Anyone who likes Juan Jose Ryp's work will love Gary Chalk .

I've picked up quite a few of the Lone Wolf books from charity shops in recent years. Although the later ones (the series ran into double figures) are quite scarce and go for a fair amount of dosh, the real winners are the first six or seven.

Anyway I enjoyed looking through the books this afternoon, but at the end of the day I was happy enough to stick them in a cupboard where they will probably turn a crisp yellow. There are plenty of folk out there who are properly obsessed with the series though, including this man who thinks he is Lone Wolf...



and this lot (lol at their Lone Wolf names. SLAVEMASTER!!?? Fans eh?!)...

I LIVE!

So I finally have an internet connection at the new house. Phew, I can once again bore people who stumble upon this site while googling for spandex porn with my uninspired thoughts on disposable culture. Huzzah! Fire up the ancient scanner and let it begin!

First order of business: I heartily recommend that you check out Mr Wheatley's latest collaboration with his son Will HERE, it features the finest DC/Marvel crossover moment EVER...

God I love the Red Skull.

Next have a gander at this book I picked up in Hackney Oxfam the other day...


I only bought it for the superb dedication in the front...

WTF?!

but it's nice to see that, as shit as it is, the book does have a little bit of history stuck to its cover...

The old 01 prefix, the original Forbidden Planet. That's a blast from London's comic past right there.

I don't have much in the way of new comics to recommend to you, as I've hardly had a chance to read any what with moving house and all. However I have checked out Warren Ellis's new Avatar offering Anna Mercury, a phallus packed action adventure story starring the kind of PVC clad dominatrix that often shows up on Ellis's website. Bit of a wank fest obv., but good fun nevertheless. Give it a go.

Also worth a shout is the second part of the fantastic Marvel Atlas. I recommended the first part HERE, and part two is just as meticulously mad.

Elsewhere Kick-Ass #2 made me laugh again, even if it did only take a couple of minutes to read.