Attention Hulk fans

Regular LLC readers have of course been introduced to my good friend Dave F, a man who loves the Hulk so much that he took huge amounts of steroids and overdosed on mushy peas for a number of years.

From time to time this raging 'roid gobbler sends me e-mails about his beloved Hulk. I have recently received one such piece of correspondence celebrating the joys of Ultimate Hulk.

Now I know Dave hates the idea of an intelligent Hulk. Like me he believes the thinking should be left to Bruce Banner. Hulk is there to smash and witter on like a retarded child while he's at it...

For this reason I felt the Hulk portrayed in the early issues of Millar and Hitch's run on The Ultimates would be right up Dave's alley and recommended that he take a look. It seems he has been enjoying Ultimate Hulk more than I imagined. He's even gone to the extreme length of reading Ultimate Wolverine v Hulk and recently phoned me to explain in graphic detail a scene where Hulk rips Wolverine in two - a scenario which clearly gave him the comic horn.

Anyway enough of my blabbering, here are Dave F's latest thoughts on the Jade Giant. Take it away Big Fella...

"Hi Hulkamaniacs…. Oooh no. Too WWF.

Hi Hulkophiles…. Hmmm…Too Gary Glitter

Hi Hulkanatics!?! Too Bollocks!

Hi Hulk fans and all round lovers of comic based shenanigans! (Works for me)

Big D again.

Okay, I dipped my proverbial comic toe into the Marvel Ultimates. What I found made me weep blood and piss Magners. I will quote Dom here: “You will like Ultimate Hulk. He is a very pure character…” He wasn’t fuckin' wid me either. Please have a nerdgasm over the splash which assaulted my senses on pages 2 & 3 of Ultimate Wolverine vs. Hulk

Look I'll admit it in this blog, but ever mention it again and I'll dislocate your limbs and dunk you in a fast flowing river….. I was so excited by these publications, I got out my action figures and struck some serious poses...

Okay, here’s the rub: six issues were commissioned. Only 2 got published. We’re talking 2005 here. After much research, I discovered that the Ultimate Wolverine vs. Hulk project is on hiatus. One of the writers defected to the TV series ‘Lost’, and a whole host of production issues plagued this series. Sometime in2008 is the loose date Marvel officials have given regarding its completion… FUCK! Ill have to wait till I'm 36 before I find out what happens in the next 4 issues?!? DAVE SMASH!

One thing you cant deny though is the luscious artwork of Lenil Francis Yu in these publications. Gawd bless ‘im, makes it worth the wait...

Now that’s a whole lotta Hulk to love!"

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Also appearing in my inbox this week, Another link from Mr Wheatley. This one is sehr gut. CLICKEE

If any other readers want to send me stuff (I'm including you too Mr "Google search: Old man+spandex+fuck") please feel free. I'll post any old gubbins.

S'laterz!

Shorts

Perhaps it's wrong to start an entry headed "shorts" with a picture of a t-shirt, but no matter we here at LLC like to take crazy risks and so...

props to the folk in 2000AD's merchandising department for coming up with this effort. I think I'd feel a bit self conscious wearing it (especially on the streets of Hackney) but there is something cool about a T with classic Gibbons art on it.

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Just finished reading Issue 1 of Uncle Sam and the Freedom Fighters a book that I idly picked up in Forbidden Planet.

Flicking through the first few pages in the shop I thought it couldn't fail to be anything but fantastic. After all it starts with the hook: "My great uncle was Rick Raleigh, the first Red Bee. He died fighting Nazis alongside Uncle Sam in World War Two. He loved insects"

And rapidly spins off into a full on super-hero vs giant alien insect war in outer space.

So to recap, that's: Nazis, World War Two, Giant insects, Super-heroes and outer space.

Kerchinng! Here's my £2 Mr comic shop man.

Honestly the first eight pages are REALLY good. Sadly the rest of the book is a huge wordy pile of poo that I ended up skim reading. Boo-hoo, I hate it when comics do that.

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While I'm moaning about comics: The Order #3 was a bit merggh. That's not to say it was bad. Nope, still a good title this one. I just felt it wasn't quite as tight as the first two in the series.

I have to admit that I haven't read a great deal of Matt Fraction's other stuff, but I get the feeling that he's still a bit of rough diamond. Clearly there's a mad genius of a comics writer in there but, for all the wild ideas, his stories can get a little loose around the edges.

Definitely a man to follow though, and I loved this example of his aforementioned mad genius from the latest issue...


I HEART ZOBOS! Anyone smart enough to think of putting them in a comic is obviously going to be a GIANT in the industry.

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Lastly, just because I'm in a Batman is better than Superman sort of mood today...

EAT IT ALIEN SCUM!

Attention Mr Wheatley...

...Fact is stranger than fiction.

clipped from yesterday's Daily Mirror.

FUCK YOU HEROCLIX!

You heard! I said FUCK YOU, you cocksucking bunch of miniature manufacturing cunts!

After months (well, alright, a month) of heroic resistance I crack and buy another of your expensive little boxes and what do I get? WHAT DO I FUCKING GET????

MACH-3

Mach-3! MACH CUNTING 3? That's a razor not a fucking super-hero! You should be shot for putting this in my toy box!

TECHNO

Is this meant to be some kind of joke? Who or what in the name of shit is Techno? Never heard of him and he looks like a cunt. Fuck off!

RHINO

OK this one I can live with. He's a classic Marvel villain and, apart from the fact that he's stomping in a huge pile of dog shit, a decent enough looking man toy. I will put him on my shelf.

WIZARD

Yes I've heard of him, but so what? He's shit and his head looks like a matchstick. Utter wank.

Mary Jane Watson-Parker Bystander token

WTF?!

I'm just going to drop this in the loo and piss on it. I mean what else am I meant to do with it? Eh? You Heroclicking knob jockeys, do you hear me? This is of no use to me, and I want my £5.15 back. Cunts!

Steve Ditko

You know I was 15 in 1987, but had I been standing on the streets of New York as this float passed by I think I still would've pissed my pants with excitement.




Of course the absence of Spidey would have upset me, as it no doubt has you. So now, if you haven't already seen it, I present Jonathan Ross' documentary on Steve Ditko (in 7 parts) it features LOTS of Spidey.

Other highlights include Alan Moore's song about Mr A and a brief tour around Ross's comic room - GASP! He has all his comics on SHELVES! No boxes, and just how much cash has he spent on mylar? That shit ain't cheap baby. I love the part where he pulls House of Secrets #92 (first appearance of Swamp Thing) out to sage "aahs" and "oohs" from Gambo and Millar. Ha-Ha NERDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDSSSSS. Also, check out the way he blithely tosses that copy of Amazing Fantasy #15 about.

And for great analysis of comics you really can't beat the collective nerd love-in over Amazing Spider-Man #33. Top stuff. Enjoy

Groan

I seem to have picked up some nasty lurgy.
That really puts the seal on it.
Man I'm run down at the moment.
The sooner we get our baby home the better.
I'm utterly worn out by everything.

Anyway lying here on the couch feeling like death, I took in the final episode of Comics Britannia. Rather disappointing, apart from the bizarre moment when Alan Moore read extracts of Rorshach's Watchmen dialogue in a strange drawling Northampton accent. "Why's he reading it in that funny voice?" asked Becky. Why indeed.

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Thanks to Ben for sending me lots of nice Youtube linkery. Particularly enjoyed this one. A screen test for Batman. History in the making.



Incidentally here's a couple who didn't make it...



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I'm on facebook. Come and be my fake internet friend if you like, I won't bite.

Suicide Squad

I'm slowly ploughing through my comic backlog. Still got a way to go before I'm really up to date on my various monthlies, but have caught up with the latest issue of World War Hulk which is top dollar.

Up to speed on the Sinestro Corps as well and found Parralax, the first in the series of one shot tie ins, surprisingly good.

The Boys continues to hit the spot, and I was uber impressed by issue 1 of the Suicide Squad.

Even though its a mainstream title, Suicide Squad reminded me of The Boys in many ways. Alright, so there are no scenes of super-heroes spitroasting super-villains and the language is strictly comic code approved, but its laced with a dark, violent sense of humour worthy of Ennis at his sick best. This sequence made me chuckle a lot...










God bless you Mr Ostrander, that's some mighty funny comic book violence you've put together there. Captain Boomerang still looks like he's stolen his outfit from one of the birds in Scooch though...

Mwahaahhahaha

Spiteful German couch potato

Jumbo Jumbo

This is where Stephen King got the inspiration for IT.

The Devil is at work here.

Geeks of the week

Number three in an occasional series where I stalk London's comic shopping community.

This episode features two fairly odd looking goth girls from Forbidden Planet. The blond was chained to the brunette and was being ordered to follow her mistress around the store. I expected them to head for the horror dvds, but they made a beeline for the Planet Hulk hardback.

It's not a very long vid. To be honest I was scared the dominant one might turn round and finish me off a la The Grudge or The Ring.

For previous L L C stalkfests click'ee here and here

Meanwhile...

Just to reassure you gentle reader, I'm still here, still reading comics and still planning on updating this blog. Sadly I'm also busy falling out with members of my immediate family, struggling to cope with the demands of going up to the hospital every day and holding down a job in the evenings.

"Cry me a river" I hear you shout "We want more scans of silver age super-heroes turning Nazi"

I understand chums, really I do. Believe me it'll happen soon.

In the meantime here's a video of some sad dorks dressing up as Heroclix and fighting in the foyer of a multiplex.

DROKK!

Meet Kevin Goldsmith. He's a very hairy, slightly overweight man who likes to customise pushbikes, dress up as Judge Dredd and pretend that his suburban garden is in fact Mega City One.

I suspect the good folk who regularly hit this site via google looking for pictures of men in spandex to jack off over will enjoy these pics. Makes a change from Batman and Spidey eh fellas?

PS That Lawmaster is both naff and awesome at the same time. Let's just call it naffsome shall we?

Looks a bit like Alan Moore dontcha think?

Sylvester Stallone eat your heart out

Thanks to Ben for the heads up on these photos

Dim-ock

More Mr Wheatley for you. As ever, click it to ramp up the comic goodness...


I am aware that LLC readers from outside the UK may not get this one. Sorry chums, I feel the pain that a lack of Groundforce in your lives must have caused you.

Robots Jim!

Click it to read it!

Courtesy of the multi-talented Mr Wheatley

Thank you sir.

Kitty Pride is lame

Yes she is.

The proof comes in Astonishing X-Men #1 where the X-Men react to an attack on the mansion by a bunch of crazed sentinels.


So let's see. Hmm. Cyclops unleashes an optic blast, Beast strips for action, and Kitty Pride? Errrm, she phases through a chair.

Woo! That'll scare those pesky 50 foot mutant killing robots.

Lame I tell thee, lame.

PS Have you any idea how much codeine I had to take to get up and scan this image?

Laid up

Against the better advice of my nearest and dearest I decided it would be a good idea to move some furniture around yesterday. Obviously this is a bad idea when you have two slipped discs that are easily aggravated, but muggins here ignored the warnings and went ahead anyway.

Result? I am now laid up in bed in complete agony, pissing in a saucepan while wondering what the hell I'm going to do when the time comes to take a dump.

On the plus side I do get to take large amounts of heavy duty painkillers and three valium a day. Marvellous. Oh I do like codeine and valium. Mmmmmm sleeeeeeepy.

I also get to read a lot of comics. Been working my way through the Astonishing X-Men today. It's a spanking good read and has some very pretty pictures to boot (sorry that's about as much criticism as I'm able to manage at the moment. Valium is very pleasant, but it doesn't exactly sharpen the mind).

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I enjoyed the first part of Comics Britannia well enough. Not exactly a fan of the Dandy, Beano etc, although obviously I devoured them as a child. I think the remaining episodes will be more interesting.

Don't forget that as part of the season BBC4 are going to be showing EVERY episode of Batman. Glorious news I'm sure you'll agree. The first one airs at 7.30 tonight.

Right I'm going to pop some more pills and work on filling that pan full of piss. Ta-ra.

Comics Britannia

Hey chums don't forget that tonight sees the start of BBC4's Comics Britannia season. I'm a bit vague on how long the channel plans on running comic themed programmes, but it seems we're set for at least a couple of weeks of cartoon capers.

Things kick off at 9pm with part one of a three part documentary on the history of British comics. But the good stuff starts tomorrow when the Beeb airs episode 1 of Batman.

The jewel in the crown is likely to be Jonathan Ross's documentary on Steve Ditko which airs next Sunday. Ross is a comic nut who knows his stuff, so I'm sure this is going to be an excellent show. Word is he even managed to grab a word or two with the reclusive Ditko himself.

For anyone reading this outside the UK, there are some clips (including extracts of an Alan Moore interview due to air on September 24th) on the BBC's website which has a good page dedicated to the season. You can find that by clicking here

Student larks

So there was this one time right. I was chilling at Brian and Jamie's gaff. We'd been drinking mushroom tea and smoking a bit of weed. I remember feeling really sick, closing my eyes...

When role-playing ruled the World

A nice little selection of role-playing ads from the shortlived but much missed 2000AD spinoff Diceman


T&T? What a ripoff. I'm only surprised we never got Catacombs & Corpses or Sewers & Shit.

In the 80's people were willing to travel 2 miles from junction 11 on the M1 just to buy d20s and lead orcs.

Aside from making games sound like D&D (see the aforementioned T&T) another surefire way to grab the youth of Britain's pocket money was to stick Arnie's face on your product. I sent off for a trial of this PBM (That's Play By Mail to you son) purely because it had Conan on the front. I didn't understand the rules when they arrived and never played it.

Gary fucking Gygax teaming up with the associate producer (Flint Dille, no less) of Transformers! Woah, this one had to be a monster hit right? Mwahahahahaha. Sagard? Sawho more like.

My shopping list

Sooooo on the off chance that I can get out of the hospital for an hour or two tomorrow, here's my list of comics to buy...

Definites

Doktor Sleepless #2
Warren Ellis doing a passable impression of Grant Morrison. More adventures with scantily clad bookshop staff.

Detective Comics #836
After saying I didn't mind the non-Dini filler issues, I was made to look a tit by #835 which was a rubbish non-Dini filler issue. This is part two. It will undoubtedly be as bad as part 1. Ho-Hum.

Midnighter #11
I'm not convinced that Keith Giffen gets the Midnighter. The last issue was a bit too much like Detective Comics for my liking. Midnighter needs to make me laugh. We'll see if Giffen's second issue is any better. At least it'll have pretty Chris Sprouse pictures.

The Boys #10
More Super-heroes fucking Super-villains. Nuff said.

Super-Villain Team Up Modok's 11 #3
This mini kicks ass. MODOK rules obv.

Possibles

Iron Man Enter Mandarin #1
I like the Mandarin enough to give this a look. If it was called Iron Man enters Mandarin, it'd be #1 on my list.

Steve Niles Strange Cases #1
Its a new horror title. I might give it a spin. Now I've gotten over the shock of the abomination that is the new Tales From the Crypt I need a good horror comic.

Lobster Johnson: The Iron Prometheus #1
There's a glaring gap in my comic collection which will one day be filled with Mike Mignola's Hellboy and BPRD stuff. For some reason I just haven't ever got round to reading any of it. When I see the solicitation notes for Lobster Johnson I wonder why. I mean this sounds like its been written just for me.

Action Comics #855

OK I'm not going to get involved with all the brooha about continuity. You know the score: The square Bizarro World doesn't exist anymore, Jor-El only does the whole crystal shit from beyond the grave in the movies. Da-de-da-de-da.

And as much as I love the art (yup that Eric Powell fella does a mean golden age Supes, And yup, he's also the perfect choice to do a Bizarro story) I'm not going to bang on about that either.

I'm not even going to say much about Geoff Johns' script (not as good as Sinestro Corps, but still pretty good) or the fact that Richard Donner is co-writing Action comics (hence the aforementioned gubbins with Jor-El and the crystals).

No....I'm not going to talk about any of that, because the only thing really worth talking about in Action Comics #855 is the appearance of Superman's interstellar rocket...



I have the Corgi toy of this ship. Bought, I hasten to add, with my pocket money in 1979.

Here 'tis....


Obviously I nerdgasmed when I saw it in the comic. Just a shame that the comic version doesn't have the pop-out fists.

Ahhhh, the sweet whiff of nostalgia. Pass the tissues.

PS. I bagged, boarded and boxed two months worth of comics tonight. That shit is enough to put anyone off collecting for life.

Space Neinteen Neinty Nein

Man, I love the Red Skull.